Thoughts from a Retirement Coach
By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
I am struck again and again by the beauty in people – by what they choose to create for themselves, by the loveliness of what they strive for. In my work, I have the real pleasure of meeting people in intimate conversation. We talk about what is most important to them, what brings them joy, what they want most in life. I’m impressed by the purity, hopefulness, full-heartedness, and bigness of what people seek – what we seek.
Eloquent dreams
Some of the people I worked with framed their desires so eloquently. I remember one person who wanted “a more spacious existence”, one that included honouring self, more relationship with others, and better health. Another person created a concise life vision statement: “To create a nurturing space to facilitate my own and other’s creative potential.” This vision included solitude, autonomy, hard work, creativity, and harmony. Someone who was nearing a life transition point was keen “To make a difference, do some good, and have some fun.” Their plan included contributing to the broader world, improving their local community, and getting more dog-playing time. I worked with another person who, when leaving a stressful, full-time job said that they wanted “to find a new path for mind, body, and spirit.” For them, it meant coming to grips with their relationship with money and their own sense of their value in the world.
Other dreams included the following: to create ease and flow; to have a carefree, relaxed life; to get in touch with my essence; to recreate youthfulness and joy; to find purpose and passion; to create a vision of my ideal life; and to discover fulfilling work, joy, and adventure.
Responding to challenges
Often people come to coaching to figure out ways of responding to specific challenges. One person I worked with wanted “to discover who I am, now that I’ve separated, the kids have left, and I’m nearing retirement.” This person created a visual of the elements they wanted in their life, which included laughter, compassion, travel, friends, peace, cooking, and contentment. A poignant journey for another person involved coming to grips with their partner’s failing mental agility. This person called upon outside help, and then, with sensitivity and diplomacy, opened up big conversations with their partner.
Some other challenges people I’ve worked with have faced were to have independence and better relationships with their caregivers; to discover what they really feel about their relationship with their partner; to find a life partner; to reconcile themselves to their child’s marriage breakdown; to find community, love, and career; and to write their book.
Becoming more
Often what we seek has to do with becoming more, becoming better. I recall one person who wanted to become a valued, equal member of a leadership team. They wanted to increase their competence and, in doing so, contribute more. So often, I find, we seek ways of being valued. Another person seeking to be valued after ending a long relationship with an uncommitted partner, said it well: “I want to create a place of my own, where I will have self-value, respect, balance, and wholeness.” Someone needing to step out of a safe, but unfulfilling, workplace chose to set their sights higher, even though it was scary. They sought to honour their values and to find a place in which they could voice their opinions.
Still others were looking to become more creative; to get unstuck; to clarify what they want; and to consolidate what they’ve learned to improve future success.
What do you really want?
I am so encouraged by what people seek… noble, honest, and healthy dreams. It’s heartening to witness the faith people have in themselves and the courage they have stepping forward along a scary path toward something they really want. And it’s soul-satisfying to see them make progress. What I’ve noticed, too, is that they often do something stupendously wonderful, that wasn’t even part of the conversation; some other aspect of their lives suddenly improves.
I think we can see ourselves in many of these people’s endeavours. Although their situations are unique, what they want is universal. I know I often find myself saying, “Damn, I could use a little of that myself!” or “Yes, that would be terrific! Why don’t I strive for that too?”
When you read the lists above, does something jump out at you, tug at you? Is there something you’d like to take on? Or maybe you have an incredible dream of your own. What do you really want?
Note: In abiding by the International Coach Federation Code of Ethics, I have kept all client information strictly confidential and have not disclosed any identifying information about those clients.