Household Hazards in Retirement 1

Tales of Retirement

By Anson Laytner
Interreligious Initiative Program Manager,
School of Theology & Ministry, Seattle University
Retired April 2015

Gerontologists regularly warn older people about the dangers inherent in everyday activities and ways to minimize them, such as installing grab bars in bathtubs and always using handrails on the stairs.

Not being that old yet, but having entered into the exalted realm of retirement, I want to alert readers to very real household hazards that I’ve found there.

1. The Refrigerator

Prior to retirement, this appliance was only a threat on weekends and holidays.  Now, however, it hums seductively all the time, tempting me to enter even when I’m not hungry.  Is there such a thing as the post-retirement 10 pounds?

2. The Television

Sure there are a million things that I’d like to do, that I need to do, that my wife tells me to do (very sweetly and always as a request “Wouldn’t you like to…”), but maybe I’ll just ease into them… after first seeing what’s on the telly.  It’s that easy to get hooked.  Watch out for this one.  It eats time.  Also, although it may not add to one’s weight, it does turn the mind to mush.

3. The Chesterfield, Couch or Sofa

Often linked with the television, but equally alluring on its own, this piece of furniture can cause severe loss of temporal awareness. I’ve found that moderate use for rejuvenative purposes, i.e., a nap, is fine, but it is a slippery slope, often leading to excess. Particularly dangerous if accompanied by a good book, a furry pet or a cozy fire.

4. The Liquor Cabinet

Where once I availed myself of its contents on weekends and holidays, now that I’m confronted by the fact that everyday is a holiday, it is an easy temptation to celebrate and inebriate on a daily basis.  Saying “no” requires self-discipline and restricting the use of alcohol to a treat helps me control my weight.

5. The Computer

A computer is a useful tool, but put into the hands of an unmotivated retiree it can waste hours on solitaire or other games.  ‘Nuf said.

6. Sex

When I was younger, I could only imagine a time when I would be lounging around home with my wife and having sex every day.  I’m still looking forward to that blessed day – even though I’m up for it only about once a week or so.  Besides, my wife continues to work, so I’ve got this hazard beat.

Dodging Dangers

 As you can see, there are many household dangers in retirement.  I’ve mentioned only a few.

What can you do to avoid them?

First of all, get out of the house.  Volunteer with a non-profit organization or in your faith-community.  Get exercise.  Go play with friends or make some new friends in retirement.  Pursue a hobby.

Second, get a round tuit.  A round tuit is a very useful tool, but few people have actually seen it.  I have.  A friend showed me his.  It was ceramic, dish-shaped, and inscribed with the words “A Round Tuit”.  “What’s it used for?” I asked.  “It prevents procrastination,” he replied.  “I got it as a gift.  Anytime I have something I need to do but wish to avoid doing, I pick it up.  I used to say ‘I’ll do this or that when I get around to it.’  Now I’ve got one, so no more excuses.”

Retired since April 2015, Anson Laytner is writing a book, volunteers with several non-profit organizations, exercises, goes out for meals with friends, goes grocery shopping and cooks dinner daily, but still manages the time to be tempted by all the household hazards in retirement.