Retirement – a time for small things 6

 Thoughts from a Retirement Coach

By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach

Retirement is a time for small acts.  No longer do we have careers to advance.  Competition can be set aside, ego banished.  We do not need to impress.  We can choose where to excel or whether to excel at all. It is a time to give our stuff away, to pass it on to the next generation.  It is our chance to lighten up, to soften up, to become smaller.

Small acts of kindness

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

~Leo Buscaglia

In retirement we can slow down and take care with how we spend the moments of our day.  Given this wealth of time, our small, kind selves now have a stage on which to flourish.  We can gleefully plan small acts of kindness.  We can spontaneously give, without expectation of receiving in return.

These kindnesses that come from the heart give us great pleasure, and are so good to receive.

From retired friends I recently received a hand-knit infinity scarf, help moving furniture, a compliment, and a freshly brewed cup of coffee that came with a rejuvenating chat.

Small accomplishments

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”

~ Vincent Van Gogh

In retirement, we can savour the process of doing… replacing a light switch, turning soil over in the garden, gently wiping a child’s nose.  We can absorb ourselves in the act of doing, without being attached to the end result… with no person, system, or organization pressuring us to do it in a prescribed way or demanding a particular result.

We can embrace imperfection, as I have with the small musings in this column.

Or we can choose to seek perfection.  I have two brothers-in-law who are striving to perfect baked goods.  One is working on the perfect oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.  He has made them dozens of times, each time changing the spicing – a little more ginger, a little less nutmeg – or changing the cooking time – 10 seconds more or 30 seconds less.  The cherry pie and old fashioned white bread are the endeavours of another brother-in-law.  He counts the number of pulses on the blender when making the pie crust, and carefully weighs specially milled hard white flour when making the bread dough.

A third brother-in-law (who just happens to be a master of baking challah bread) has determined that he will set his own pace when renovating his daughter and son-in-law’s house.  Not wanting to be rushed and not wanting to do shoddy work, he has set his standards and is sticking to them – as a retiree has the power, privilege, and right to do.

 Small enjoyments

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

~ Khalil Gibran

Consider the small things that make a life good: chocolate melting in your mouth, the smell of wood smoke, the sound of rain on the windows, the crinkle around a friend’s eyes when they laugh, and the glitter of sunlight on water droplets.

Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of relishing the perfect cherry pie, challah, and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies that my brothers-in-law make in abundance.

Small needs

“When you are older you will understand how precious little things, seemingly of no value in themselves, can be loved and prized above all price when they convey the love and thoughtfulness of a good heart.”

~Edwin Booth

Saying no to the seduction of material things is a relief.  I notice as people age they want to give belongings away, to stop buying and collecting, to downsize, and to simplify.  I know I have started thinking this way.  Maybe it’s because I helped clear out stuff after my mother, and then my father, died. The stuff they left behind somehow lost its meaning and value when no longer tied to the person, except maybe for a few precious little things.  It made me examine my things more critically.

I no longer watch television or receive a newspaper, preferring to receive the news by radio.  This has meant that I do not see advertising or receive many fliers.  It’s peaceful not being bombarded by images of things that are supposedly essential to my happiness, items I must purchase.  I’m enjoying needing less.

In retirement we can seek the simplicity of smaller spaces, small vacations, and a smaller footprint on this planet. We can make time for small acts of kindness, small accomplishments, and small enjoyments.  We can look inside to the small person we once were and be content with what we find.  That small person was pretty darn perfect.  It makes me wonder what we were striving for all these years.