Thoughts from a Retirement Coach
By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
What if, just for fun, we could measure how well we are doing in retirement? What if we had a scale to gauge our level of social and emotional well-being? How well do you think you’d do?
Every person’s retirement is different, and we all have unique needs, but the essential elements that lead to psychological and social well-being in retirement are common across the board. Well-being is basically measured by looking at our happiness, relative to our current conditions, and our overall life satisfaction, which reflects our past experiences.
It’s worth noting that well-being does not seem to be tied to any single aspect of the human condition, such as physical or economic health. For example, people who are terminally ill and financially poor may still see themselves as happy and satisfied with their lives. On the other hand, the healthy wealthy may be unhappy and unsatisfied with their lives.
What we need for well-being
Here are some of the factors that contribute to emotional and social well-being in retirement:
- Identity – an understanding and acceptance of your new identity in retirement
- Self-Knowledge – awareness of your values, strengths, learning style, etc.
- Sense of Purpose – meaningful goals and a sense of life purpose, as well as at least one activity in which you feel challenged, engaged, and sometimes in a state of flow (being in the zone), an activity you are passionate about
- Self-Esteem – confidence in yourself in your role in retirement; a feeling of competence; the knowledge that you’ve found your place in the world; a belief that you can manage your environment to meet your needs
- Contribution – activities or ways of being in which you give to the world outside yourself, to something larger than yourself (future generations, social groups, nature, traditions, belief systems, or movements)
- Caring Relationships – quality relationships (family, friends, life partner) that are lively and changing; sexual intimacy; new and renewed friendships outside your old workplace, connection to one or more communities
- Positive Emotions and Frame of Mind – A positive approach to retirement, supported by a mindset of curiosity, acceptance and resilience; continued personal growth and development; autonomy of thought and action
- Routine and Leisure – a balance between free-flowing leisure time and structured routine; a feeling of accomplishment, yet also relaxed contentment… enough yin to balance the yang
I gathered the above list of factors from some of the many psychological and social assessments for measuring well-being. I also included relevant ideas from the writings of philosophers, psychologists and writers such as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Alfred Adler, Aristotle, Abraham Maslow, Martin Seligman, and George Bernard Shaw. Finally, I incorporated what I’ve learned from the experiences of clients and our newsletter writers. Please consider other factors of well-being that are relevant to you.
The retirement well-being quiz
Based on the factors mentioned above, here is a non-scientific way to measure subjective well-being. Remember, this is just for fun.
For each statement, choose the rating that best matches your level of agreement and record the number beside the statement. For example, if you strongly agree with the statement, put a ‘6’ beside the statement. If you moderately disagree, put a ‘2’ beside the statement.
| STATEMENTS OF WELL-BEING IN RETIREMENT | 1=Strongly Disagree; 2=Moderately Disagree; 3=Slightly Disagree; 4=Slightly Agree; 5=Moderately Agree; 6=Strongly Agree |
| I am content with my new identity in retirement. | |
| I know myself – my values, strengths, learning style, etc. | |
| I regularly engage in an activity that challenges and engages me (a ‘flow’ activity). | |
| I am guided by a sense of purpose; I have meaningful goals I want to achieve. | |
| I am confident in myself in retirement and know I can meet my needs. | |
| I feel I’m contributing to a world beyond myself. | |
| I have a loving relationship with my intimate partner. | |
| I am close to my family. | |
| I have caring relationships with several friends. | |
| I am involved in my community. | |
| I am emotionally healthy. | |
| I approach life in a learning frame of mind, accepting what I cannot change, and changing what I can. | |
| I have found a good balance of structured routine and leisure. | |
| Total Score = ____________ |
Interpreting your score
When you’ve rated yourself according to each statement, add up your score for each column. Then total all your scores. Your total score will give your pulse in retirement… that is, your level of social and emotional well-being, at this point in time.
STRONG PULSE –
You have a strong pulse in retirement if your total score is between 53 and 78.
Someone with a strong pulse – a strong well-being score – might say the following:
I’ve been going through retirement in a learning frame of mind, full of curiosity. I understand my value in the world and I embrace my new identity in retirement. I get up in the morning full of purpose, open to great possibilities. I have at least one challenging activity I’m passionate about. I’ve long since given up my old work life and never regret retiring or long for the old days. I’ve found a good balance between being busy and relaxing. I’m grateful to be doing what I do, convinced that I’m contributing to making the world a better place, at least in a small way. Family, friends, and my loved ones are a big part of my life. Even when facing a challenge, I am confident that I will get through it. I’m happy.
MEDIUM PULSE –
You have a medium pulse in retirement if your total score is between 27 and 52.
Someone with a medium pulse – a medium well-being score – might say the following:
I’m getting the hang of retirement, but I still have a ways to go. Much of the time I’m happy, but sometimes I feel disoriented, like I forgot to do something essential. I haven’t completely figured out where I’m heading, in a meaningful way, and, although I don’t regret retiring, I have yet to find that balance between doing useful, all-engaging things and the pleasures of doing nothing at all. I’d like to find a way to use my gifts to give back. I’m having a great time catching up with my family and friends, although sometimes I feel guilty when I’m enjoying myself, survivor guilt, perhaps.
WEAK PULSE –
You have a weak pulse in retirement if your total score is between 13 and 26.
Someone with a weak pulse – a low well-being score – might say the following:
I still identify with my career prior to retiring. For example, when someone asks me what I do, I often talk about my career before retirement. I miss my old life – the income, the status, and my colleagues. Often I am hijacked by feelings of sadness or anxiety, sometimes anger. More often than I care to admit, I get up in the morning to a blank agenda yawning before me. No sense of purpose guides my days. The people closest to me are worried about me. My old work colleagues are becoming uncomfortable with my phone calls. All in all, I feel disoriented and unhappy in my retirement, like I’m a fifth wheel.
Next issue…
How well are you doing in retirement?
Part two – Strengthening your pulse
In the next issue of this newsletter, we’ll look at ways we can improve our level of social and emotional well-being in retirement – ways of strengthening our pulse.