Tales of Retirement
Donna Beatty
Community Health Promotion Consultant
Retired June 2010
I love retirement! I am very grateful for the presence of a loving partner and family, good health, and a monthly pension. All these factors have contributed in a large way to a happy retirement. However, it has taken time and much thought, both before and after retirement, to reach this state of contentment.
The Process of Preparing for Retirement
For over 35 years, my job gave me meaningful, challenging and interesting work, a regular pay cheque, many work friends and acquaintances, as well as a predictable day-to-day routine. Retirement inspired both eagerness and trepidation in me. The decision to retire was a long and challenging process. On the one hand were all my fears about money, aging, self-esteem, and how to spend the many hours of free time; on the other were my desires for less pressure, fewer demands on my time, and freedom to be more flexible and spontaneous.
Preparing for retirement took time and lots of reflection. This ‘emotional’ preparation is very important. I read many articles and books about retirement (and highly recommend ‘Younger Next Year’ by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge, MD). I also attended a one-day retirement workshop, Retiring with Purpose and Passion, hosted by Crabapple Coaching. Several retirement-ready women, who were work colleagues, also attended the workshop. In hindsight, I appreciate the thoroughness of this preparation time.
People told me, “You’ll know when you’re ready to retire.” This was good advice. I really do believe that if you’re very unsure about retiring, it’s not the right time. I postponed retirement when new organizational challenges and increased salary convinced me to stay longer. My final retirement date was 18 months later than first planned – a wise decision.
I was fortunate to retire when I was ready. It surprised me to learn that only about half the people who retire have that good fortune. The rest (approximately 38-54%[1]) retire because of poor health, workplace restructuring, caregiving demands, mandatory retirement policies, or because they don’t feel they are making a meaningful contribution. I have known people who experienced retirement this way and found it a personally challenging time. I am so glad I had time to prepare.
Two phases to retirement
Retirement, for me, came in two phases. The initial Honeymoon phase included the actual retirement itself and the wonderful sense of freedom that went with it. Monday mornings have never been the same. However, I was surprised how tired I was. For several months after leaving work, I needed, and had the luxury of taking, extra hours of sleep each night.
The second phase, once I was rested, was the What Now? phase. Many retired people enjoy their homes and spending time cooking, gardening, and other household activities. I like to be involved in community activities. During my work life, I was often part of planning and hosting some kind of community event related to mental health and addiction. Now, when there’s time, I try to go to those and other kinds of community events. I know how hard the organizers have worked to prepare these activities. I’m hoping my physical presence provides support to them.
When I first retired, I continued in a leadership role in a local service club. Eventually, I chose to resign, as I found it became too much like work and didn’t offer the variety I wanted. Now, I am not in any one volunteer group, but give my time to several different community projects. I derive a lot of satisfaction volunteering to take responsibility for a specific task that is time limited and do-able.
I’m a creature of habit and need structure to help organize my life. For many years, work provided that routine – now routine is provided to me by regular attendance at the local Y. Connecting with other people there and exercising regularly are now my ‘work’ and a morning priority. Later, there’s time for coffee or lunch with friends, community activities, volunteering, camping in the summer and playing some golf. There’s time now to try new things too… I’m singing in a choir and really enjoying it. This is something I had not done (or even thought about doing) since I was a child. Choir is a lot of fun!
Paid work not for me in retirement
Some retirees choose to work at paid employment. Early in my retirement, I was interviewed for an interesting job requiring lots of energy. It was part time and I thought it would provide me with some extra cash and the stimulation of new people. It was a one-person job that involved ‘selling’ an idea to various groups. During the interview, I quickly realized the job was all-consuming and very difficult. After the interview, I came home and slept on the couch for an hour! That nap was a wake-up call. It convinced me that returning to any kind of paid employment was not for me!
Relationships
I’ve also been surprised by changing friendships after retirement. As the time away from an active work life increases, my contact with former work buddies is drastically reduced. Now, friends and social life revolve around shared interests and activities. Childhood friends that I had lost contact with have reappeared and several loyal, long-time friends are always nearby. Friendship becomes a nice mixture of the old and new.
In retirement, I’ve developed closer ties with my grandchildren. What a treat this has been. I have to say, though, helping out with the grandkids can take a lot of time. I find I have to be quite flexible with my planning.
Every retired person will tell you that their relationship with their significant other is different after retirement. My partner and I retired at different times. A wonderful advantage of a couple retiring at different times is that the first to retire has, hopefully, established a new routine. Better yet is when that new routine includes the household tasks which the still-to-retire partner has mastered and wants to pass on… for example, cooking and grocery shopping. I am fortunate to have a dear partner who not only cooks but looks on food shopping as an adventure. I cook some meals and help with the meal planning. I am quite okay with giving up the title of Chief Cook – what’s not to like about this arrangement?
Remember the title of that old movie: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? Long-term relationships can be a lot like that. The positive news is that, once again, we have time for each other, our shared interests, and our family. With lots of love and humour, we’re learning to accept (and/or tolerate) both the similarities and the differences in our individual interests.
Other Changes
Finally, there is one other area that has changed because of retirement – our home – both inside and out. Now that I have more time and am spending it at home, I see things from a different perspective.
I’ve been surprised, too, that I actually worry less about money now than when I was working. I’m not sure why, but we’re managing on less coming in, and doing much better than I expected.
Retirement is like home decorating
I find similarities between the notions of home decorating projects and retirement. The same principles apply: renew, refresh, and rejuvenate. In retirement, just as we need to freshen things up with our house, so too with ourselves. We may choose to get rid of some things, rearrange others, and occasionally introduce something new. The result: we become renewed, refreshed, and rejuvenated. Although it has taken time and a good deal of thought, I think I’m there.
[1] Sources: Statistics Canada, RBC/IPSOS Poll, and Donna McCaw’s It’s Your Time.