Why is it so hard to turn down work after retiring? 2

Craving a Dog’s Life
(Article 1)

A series of articles about finding a pathway towards a simpler life, one that is less focused on structure and more on love, compassion, daily walks, and treats

By Renate
Senior Public Servant
Retired 2014

I am relatively new to retirement.  My goal was to retire at age 55 and, in early 2014, I officially retired from my job in the BC government.  Most of us feel that we have done enough planning, financially and otherwise, but nothing can really prepare you for totally unstructured time and the freedom to do whatever you want.

For me the hardest part was in having no defined timelines.  No one checking in on deliverables.  No one relying on me for support or guidance.  It was super hard to let go of my laptop and cell phone and I found myself checking them several times a day, even though there was no reason to do so anymore.  I did try to ease into retirement by planning an extended trip to Europe.

The gift of rest

But still tough to let go.  Forty years of working day in and day out, while raising a family, looking after ailing parents, and making a life.  Nowhere in that equation was the acknowledgement that I needed to look after myself.

So I gave myself the gift of rest.  I could feel layer upon layer of stress lifting, month after month.  I joined an outdoor boot camp.  I went on extended hikes with my Bernese Mountain Dog.   I started to feel better and started to look after my friends, family, and community much more.  And that made me feel better.

The thin edge of the wedge

After 18 months, I bumped into a work colleague who asked if I was interested in some part-time consulting work.  I thought about it for a couple of weeks, weighed the pros and cons, and decided to try a short contract – two days a week for a month. It was something I could fit into my fitness and dog-walking routine, and something I could do primarily from home, without long hours sitting in the office.  So I gave it a shot.

Well, one thing led to another and before I knew it, I had three contracts and was working 130-160 hours a month.  All different and interesting work, but that two-day-a-week contract had turned into more than a full-time gig.  And now I am tired.  I still LOVE the work and I don’t have to sit in mind-numbing meetings, or deal with human resource issues any more.  I just get to analyze situations, solve problems, and provide advice.  And I can still do much of the work at home with my laptop and cell phone.

Conditioned to work?

But it is too much.  I work almost every day.  I am always checking email, thinking about another problem that needs attention.  I have gone back to work.  Full time, plus.  Am I so conditioned from years of work, that I need that type of gratification? Perhaps I am.  Perhaps my kind of retirement is to have big, meaty projects that keep me on a timeline for delivery.  Is that healthy? I have striven for balance and come up short.  Will that change when my advice is no longer current and relevant?  Is that what I am afraid of?  Or am I afraid that I will run out of money?

I hope that neither is the case.   I hope that I can finish up one of the contracts at the end of the summer and work part time without getting sucked into a vortex of work.

Using the years of skill and expertise that I have built up is very satisfying.  It allows me to help my kids buy their first homes, it lets me plan for bigger and longer vacations, and it helps me with that structure I still crave.  It keeps my mind alert, it lets me talk to other professionals, and it makes me think.

That elusive equilibrium

When I retired, I so looked forward to a life with little to no structure.  Time to hang out, have a leisurely coffee, and enjoy a morning walk on the beach.  But after only 18 months, I found myself much happier with a more structured life.

I need to find that balance – between mental stimulation, physical exertion, reaching new goals, and enjoying time with the people I love.  It is definitely not easy, especially giving up the accolades and gratification that the work provides.  But my contracts do run out in the fall, and my goal is to have a maximum of one project on the go after Thanksgiving.

The challenge is to learn how to say no, so I can limit my working day and find the equilibrium between the drive to achieve and the joy of living a good life.  I never thought it would be so hard to let it go. Fingers crossed, I can be strong enough.