Thoughts from a Retirement Coach
By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
He drove up and parked his orange Kubota lawn mower near the restaurant entrance, a restaurant in a has-been gas station in the middle of farm country. After tilting up the seat to protect it in the event of rain, he made his way slowly into the restaurant and sat down at a table.
He looked to be on the older side of old, maybe 90 years old. He removed his grey train engineer’s cap, planted a cane firmly between his feet, and, leaning forward, let it take his weight. His high top runners were open at the laces, perhaps to relieve swelling in his feet, perhaps because he couldn’t bend over to lace them up.
The lure
What brought him all this way in the fading light? Did he drive the lawn mower because he no longer had a driver’s license? Bad eyesight? A stroke? Or could he no longer afford a car now that his fixed income had dwindled in old age?
After catching his breath he said to the waitress, “Liver and onions.” Raising his hand in a peace symbol, he added, “Two pieces.”
The day was Wednesday – Liver and Onions Day at the restaurant. Their best cook makes a point of being there on Wednesday. He knows how easy it is to ruin liver.
Creative, resourceful, and whole
I’m always struck by the ingenuity and creativeness that people bring to bear when they want something and have run into an obstacle. In coach training, I was taught that people are creative, resourceful, and whole, and I’ve certainly seen this again and again. I’ve learned never to give anyone a solution to their problem – they will find a solution and it will be better than anything I could propose.
This guy at the restaurant wanted liver and onions and had no way of getting it. His ingenuity led him to the lawn mower, which brought him to the restaurant, which prepared him liver and onions. Two portions. He found a way.
Finding a way
Finding a way in retirement is similar. Whatever obstacles we’re facing, isn’t it really about trusting that we will find a way?
Retirement life is not about looking for a fantasy meal that no restaurant can create – this keeps us in the world of dreaming. Nor is it about accepting the bread and butter meal of the status quo – this keeps us in the world of safety and boredom. The trick is to find that truly delightful meal we’re craving – one that we know is out there somewhere – and then to make sure we find a way to get to the restaurant, on a lawn mower or whatever it takes.
Unexpected dishes
We won’t always be served the dish we expect. If we trust ourselves, however, we will find a way to get what we need. And whatever dish is served up, we can count on it being one hell of an adventure.
Thanks Mariella for those words of advice. As my 87 year young mother continues to tell me “it will happen if it is meant to be ” We have decided to downsize prior to my retirement and have our home on the market. It was a difficult decision but the right step in preparation for a time when we will have the time to follow our dreams. Thanks also for the opportunity to discover the path of a previous acquaintance (Glenda)
Barb, your mother sounds like a wise person, and a real going concern at 87.
I can well imagine that the decision to sell you home was a tough one to make. If I recall, you loved your gardens. And so many of our memories are rooted in the sights, sounds and smells of our home… the way the light falls on the furniture in the morning, the smell of the wood burning in the wood stove, the sound of the wind in the trees, the children’s bedrooms, etc. Your decision, you said, though, will allow you to follow your dreams. So, a tough decision, but a good one.
Best of luck as you start building a new home, Barb.
Great illustration story for retirees. Sometimes we need a push to seek what we long for – a reason to be.
Nicely put, Judith. Seeking what we long for – a reason to be!