Thoughts from a Retirement Coach
By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
My two cats are sleeping on their sides by the airtight stove. The fire is hissing and outside the snow is picking up, wind angling it sideways. The crabapples dangle like frozen rubies from the tree outside my window. While I sip Earl Grey tea from a polka dotted mug, I am thinking about how lucky I am.
Yet, nothing is completely idyllic. A housebound mosquito hovers in my warm space. I have a bite on my face bearing witness to its presence.
The mosquito in the ointment
Retirement may seem an idyllic dream when viewed by a frazzled, fed up, worn out worker, eight years out. Yet, the closer people get to retirement, the more ambivalent their feelings. A mosquito shows up and hovers in their consciousness. They start to wonder what they’ll do with all that leisure time… every day off… an endless stream of vacation days… 20 to 30 years of holidays.
Ha, you scoff! Try me!
I think we enjoy leisure most when it is a scarce resource. I’ll never forget how much I anticipated – and enjoyed – my first three-day weekend after 12 months of working without having more than two consecutive days off. What would happen in retirement if all our days were filled with leisure?
Yin and yang
We thrive on the yin and yang of things, in which contrasting forces are complementary. Food tastes better when we’re really hungry. We long for summer when we’re in the dead of winter. Photographs have more appeal when the light is vibrant against a shadowed background. And being enveloped in a warm flannel sheet after being chilled to the core is almost worth the hypothermia.
When we retire – when work is no more – how do we ensure that our leisure is as enjoyable as it was when we were working? How do we create yin and yang in retirement – the contrasting of work and leisure?
I know one person who gets around the problem by participating in so many leisure activities that only the shoulder season makes him edgy… after the golf season ends and before the skiing begins. It works for him. Another person I know has immersed himself in tasks. I don’t think it’s working so well for him. And my sister just told me about a retired person who completes all her tasks during the week, keeping her weekends free for fun and relaxation.
Body and mind
Another solution might be to follow my friend’s childrearing practice. She allowed her children to choose whatever extracurricular activities they wanted to choose, with the stipulation that one be for the body and one be for the mind. So her kids could, for example, take up a sport as long as they also took up a musical instrument.
In retirement, if we decide to get in the habit of taking a long walk every day, we might balance that by reading all the books we’ve been saving up. No hardship there! Or, if we choose to start cross-country skiing, we might balance that by taking on the family genealogy project. One activity for the body and one activity for the mind.
And soul
Perhaps we could take this practice one step further and add the soul: body, mind, and soul. Soul activities are yours to define. For some, soul activities might include being mindful of what is going on in the moment, sitting in the woods, listening to classical music, meditating, and seeking out beauty. For some, self-reflection may enter into it, for others it may be more about getting out of their own head, breathing deeply and relaxing fully. Of course, many people’s most satisfying activities, where they are completely in the zone, blend body, mind, and soul.
As one of the foremost yoga teachers in the world, B.K.S. lyengar, said,
“The rhythm of the body, the melody of the mind, and the harmony of the soul create the symphony of life.”
Maybe that’s worth considering, whether we’re retired or not.
Mariella,
Thank you for another thoughtful article. This time the cats were your jumping off point, and the mosquito. I love seeing how you create articles out of the raw materials of your life, and how this process then weaves in concepts.
Iyengar was quite the fellow. i did twenty or so sessions at a very good Iyengar studio last year. I found the precise body positions and relaxed, but disciplined, approach invigorating. These days I don’t seek too many activities that are, loosely speaking, for self improvement.
While I like not having a list of practices I “have” to do for my physical and mental/soul health, your article makes me think that it’s maybe not just what activities I choose, but how aware I am while choosing them and while doing them that makes the difference. In that sense doing meditation or deciding to “waste away” some time watching tv are no different.
I like the simple reminder to do something for the body and something for the mind. It can help remind me if, for long periods of time, I’m doing all one or all the other and getting out of sync.
Martin
Martin, your comments left me with a few realizations, which I think are worth checking in on from time to time:
1) While striving to improve may be healthy, so too is just being.
2) Being acutely aware is what gives richness to whatever we’re choosing to do, or doing.
3) Keeping ourselves balanced and in sync is forever ongoing.
Hm. Nice. Thanks.
Mariella
Mariella,
A lovely article. You have such an uplifting outlook that always comes through in your posts and your words.
And, I totally agree with your final words…..great considerations “whether we’re retired or not”.
Thanks for your supportive comment, Helen!
Mariella, I really like the addition of “soul” to body and mind practices. Links, I think, with your article on creativity. I also agree that “we enjoy leisure most when it is a scarce resource.” The challenge, as you have pointed out in this article, is to have contrast in our retirement lives. Still working on that ….. amy
Thanks, Amy. Yes, the challenge is to create contrast in our lives… to add the right spices and mix it all up. And to enjoy finding ways of doing this.