Retirement: where the future of the universe depends on you (ha!) 3

Thoughts from a Retirement Coach

By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach

“Act always as if the future of the universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference.”

–Buddhist Advice

When we enter retirement, we leave behind our identity as it was in our careers – labelled, measured, respected, and rewarded by the external world.  We enter a new identity, one we have to create, usually one that we reward with only internally generated, intrinsic measures, a much different animal than those public prizes of salary increases, titles, and public recognition.

One of the trickier parts of retirement can be finding new meaning and purpose, and applying ourselves diligently to our new causes, yet at the same time reconstructing ourselves as less serious, more playful.

But wait a second.  Why do we need to have a purpose?  “I’m tired of working.  I’ve spent a lifetime working; why wouldn’t I take a well-earned rest?”  Whenever I raise the idea of purpose in my retirement workshops, I get this reaction.

Well, it seems that to have a good quality of life (after a suitable retirement honeymoon, of course), it helps to have a purpose.

 “Free time is more difficult to enjoy than work. Apparently, our nervous system has evolved to attend to external signals, but has not had time to adapt to long periods without obstacles and dangers. Unless one learns how to use this time effectively, having leisure at one’s disposal does not improve the quality of life.”

– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

And, more importantly, our basic security is rooted in our knowledge that we are contributing to the world.  Without a sense of purpose we are directionless and only filling time.

“A purpose is far more than a good idea; it’s an emotionally charged path in your work and life that provides orientation and direction. It’s an internal locus of awareness and guidance which defines you by who you are and what you care most about, rather than where you find yourself at the moment. It is from this calling or purpose that you… begin truly ‘composing a life’.”

– Robert K. Cooper and Ayman Sawaf

Retirement brings us smack up against the Buddhist counsel:

“Act always as if the future of the universe depended on what you did, while laughing at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes any difference.”

The future of the universe depends on what you do

 Yet, how can we possibly believe that the future of the universe depends on what we do?  We are but small cogs in the great wheel of life.  On the other hand, what if no one took seriously their part in the smooth functioning of the world?  One malfunctioning cog can stop the clock from ticking, the same as a dozen malfunctioning cogs.

The findings of science make us increasingly aware of how unique each person is, not only in the way the ingredients of the genetic code have been combined, but also in the time and place in which an organism encounters life. Thus each of us is responsible for one particular point in space and time in which our body and mind form a link within the total network of existence.”

– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The universe, in fact, does depend on us.   Our actions, or lack of actions, affect universal outcomes.  And retirement gives us fresh opportunities to shape our world.  We can choose to live with purpose and passion.  It is our passion that oils the universal machinery.  So, live your purpose, with passion.  Tend the bluebird boxes.  Paint pictures of water.  Make fragrant soaps.  Bike up mountains.  Console the dying.  Capture the morning mist in a photo.  Tell that story.   Cook for a street person.  Raise awareness of injustices.

Coming into retirement, many of us may not clearly see our unique contribution?  What if we don’t feel a sense of purpose?   Perhaps these questions will help:

• What would you do if you had unlimited time and resources?
• When do you feel most alive, energetic, and fulfilled?
• What’s the recurring theme, the common thread in your life?

If we can’t seem to find a sense of purpose, we can do what we’re doing with care and attention.  It may develop into a passion.  Once we develop a passion, as Joseph Campbell says, a special door will open for us:

“And I have the firm belief in this now, not only in terms of my own experience but in knowing about the experience of others, that when you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there were going to be doors and where there wouldn’t be a door for anybody else.” 

 – Joseph Campbell

However great or small your contribution, take yourself seriously.  Use your determination, your power, and your gifts to improve the human experience. Find your unique sense of purpose, and trust that the future of the universe depends on what you do.

Laugh at yourself for thinking that whatever you do makes a difference

Buddhist teaching tells us to laugh at ourselves for thinking that whatever we do makes a difference.  I have more difficulty laughing at myself than I do taking myself seriously.  I understand The Importance of Being Earnest.  In my sincerity, I go forward, striving, striving.   Yet, what a relief it is to realize that none of my striving matters.  Yes, a contradiction with what I’ve just been saying, but isn’t there a yin for every yang?

However, I propose that this recommended laughter be gentle, teasing laughter, not harsh or raucous.  We can look at our striving and appreciate the ridiculous.  We are like tiny ants in the great, big universe, after all.  We can carry on doing what we think is important and, at the same time, refuse to take ourselves seriously.  We can get over ourselves.

I’m no expert with tips for how to learn to laugh at yourself, but I offer these as possible approaches:

• Let go of expectations.
• Choose to view suffering from a new perspective, e.g., curiosity.
• Seek the good things in life.
• Hang out with people who laugh.
• Imagine you’re the star of a farce.
• Avoid ‘awfulizing and terriblizing’
• Learn to play. Watch a dog play, front legs extended, rump in the air.
• Expect to fail. Have a good witticism ready for when you do.

A serious playpen

Although finding our feet when we retire takes time, we can create a new sense of meaning and purpose that will shape our future.  We can discover that special spot where we fit in the world, snug and comfortable.  Here we can take ourselves very seriously and go with gusto for the big dreams, while, at the same time, teasing ourselves for imagining we are of any importance in the grand scheme.  This place is now our playpen, our place to do some serious playing.