‘Rightsizing’ to a new home 3

Reinventing Barb (2)

A series of articles about reinventing life after unexpected job loss

By Barb Carriere
Manager – Continuing Education
Retired January 2015

My husband and I huddled in the gazebo, looking through the pouring rain to the home we would soon possess. The sellers’ plan to be out by 3:00 had fallen apart miserably, and our plan to move in was delayed.  Their moving van was full, yet numerous pieces of furniture and boxes still sat in the garage. They realigned boxes a number of times, with little success, and the clock moved to 4:30. Our patience was running thin.  Eventually, we decided to press for access to our new home, which, after some hesitation, was granted.

Moving stuff

We were now over the first hurdle.  New home, new neighbours, new challenges, and opportunities stretched ahead.   I thought of those things as we tramped from the moving truck to the house, from the house to the truck, and back and forth.  Relatives had come to assist with the innumerable boxes and pieces of furniture, so in only a few hours we were done and it was time for pizza and beer.

The excitement of our new home focused my energies: unpacking, reorganizing, redecorating, and examining how to use differently those items I had decided to keep through the purging process.  Yes, the new home was smaller than the old.  Rather, let’s say, the new home required fewer steps both inside and out. We’d had to sell stuff we couldn’t accommodate.  But if there was one thing I have learned from my sudden job termination it is this: stuff is not important; what takes precedence are strong relationships and new opportunities.

Down the Garden Path

 The outdoors remained a source of solace for me, with woods, trails, rivers, Georgian Bay, and waterfalls within minutes of my front door. Winter, summer, fall, and spring, I was drawn to spend time experiencing the sounds, sights and smells of that world. My new home’s gardens were beautiful and obviously created by a gardener with great knowledge. I would enjoy and care for them this first summer and wait until autumn to make any changes. I believe identifying a passion where you can immerse yourself and lose all sense of time is crucial for healing and health. Working part time at the garden centre provided ample opportunity to spend my pay cheques on a little of this and a lot of that. Until I became an employee there, I thought I knew a lot about gardening. I was challenged to learn plant varieties, design tricks, soil mixtures, and the names of 100 of the 3000 varieties of hostas that exist.

Garden centre work, like my time volunteering, provided the sense of contribution that paid work had partially provided in the past. Rekindling and expanding my passion for gardening felt fulfilling. It supported the “R’s” of recognizing your value, and redefining your purpose, while resetting your frame of mind.

A world of possibilities

‘Rightsizing’ can apply to more than a physical structure, such as our new, smaller home. It impacted expenses, amounts of stuff, obligations to others, as well the environment for shaping of a new personal identity. During our move, I released myself – both physically and emotionally – from the old job, our previous home, and my work role. I built new relationships within the opportunities I chose: the nursery, rock choir, and volunteer work. I identified as a new retiree within a world of possibilities, where the decisions and commitments were mine to establish.

An expanded interest in the environment led me to become a member of CoCoRaHS Canada (Community Collaborative Rain Hail and Snow), a volunteer network of weather observers of all ages and backgrounds who measure and map precipitation in their communities. The data is used by meteorologists, conservation authorities, farmers, and many others. In addition, I added native plants that attract birds and butterflies to my gardens. These interests provided me a chance for continuing education and new challenges.

New Corners of the Universe

The allure of visiting new places seems to be a common thread with many retirees. “Do it while you can” have been the words repeated by many much wiser than I. So when asked to join a group of women on a trip to New York City I jumped at the opportunity. If laughter is the best medicine, I was overflowing with the drug as we toured this exciting city with all its larger-than-life entertainment.

“Standing on the Corner in Winslow Arizona,” a line from an Eagles song released in the 70’s, became a key experience during our trip to Arizona.  Fleeing from our Canadian winter,  I used the trip to reflect on the previous year – its challenges and accomplishments – and to experience the warmth of the sun south of the border. While standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon, I realized how small I was relative to the big picture.  I felt a sense of pride acknowledging the changes I had faced and how I had come to accept my new life. Contentment settled over me, with the absence of anger and grief. I had moved on to a new chapter.

Reflection in the Looking Glass

I continued to reconnect with old friends and acquaintances throughout the next year. These gatherings provided laughter as we remembered past episodes of our lives, grounded us as we talked about retirement, and created hope as we looked towards our futures. As time passes, I remind myself of all that I have to be grateful for, as I hear about those who are struggling with health or relationships. Gathering family in our home at special times surrounds me with warmth and contentment and impresses upon me again the importance of the support of family and friends.

The worm in the apple

Let’s be honest though; there are challenges with the smaller space. It has become harder to carve out a space of my own. My sewing room plays a variety of roles, becoming a music room, spare bedroom and office. The crawlspace requires actually crawling to check through boxes for that lost item. The front porch does not provide enough space to put a chair so I can watch the world go by. Feeding 20 people on special holidays has become an organizational challenge for sure.

But the backyard, ah, the backyard.  With its 50-foot evergreens, wonderful lilac tree, gardens, and shaded deck, it is our oasis. This space is just right for our new lifestyle.  It is a place where the turmoil of my job termination and the chaos of moving day recede into distant, harmless memories.  We love our new backyard.