Suggested responses for when working stiffs say, “Retired, eh?  So, what do you do all day?” 3

Retired, eh?

So, what do you do all day?

In our last newsletter, we discussed the difficulty you, as a retired person, face when a working stiff says, “Retired, eh?  So, what do you do all day?”  Often, it is obvious that the person asking the question considers you to be a lesser mortal now that you no longer hold a place in the working world.  Bored, they ask the question anyway: What do you do all day?

In order for us to have responses ready in advance, we asked you to come up with witty or sarcastic suggestions. We received over 40 such suggestions!

When going through them, it became clear that how we respond to the question depends on a number of factors: our mood; the level of sincerity of the person asking the question; and our enjoyment of the ridiculous.  So, we sorted your suggestions into three semi-rational categories.  Here they are…

Responses for when you want to be a funny bunny

“Retired, eh?  So, what do you do all day?”

• Do you mean when I’m not having sex?
• Am I retired? Jesus, I thought I was dead and in heaven.
• All day? How quaint. I haven’t done anything all day in… what was the question again?
• CSIS finally gave me a new assignment. Shh!
• You know, it’s a real hardship rediscovering all those passions and interests that were lost in the daily grind.
• I turn off the alarm and roll over.
• When I’m not working on a cure for cancer, I sweep the basement.
• What I can say with complete conviction is that when the day is done, I’ve done everything that had to be done.
• I work the streets now. The pay is better and there are benefits.
• I do nothing all day.   I’m working really hard at it.
• I watch Netflix and eat bon bons.
• Before or after my week in Tanzania?
• Bill Gates and I have very full lives.

Responses for when you’re in a somewhat rude mood

“Retired, eh?  So, what do you do all day?”

• Have you got enough in your RRSP to be even asking that question?
• I do everything you wish you could do.
• I think of you, darling. Not.
• What would you do if you had a little free time? I have endless time.
• It sounds as though you think it’s a problem to be paid to decide how you’re going to spend your time. I hope you’re going to have that problem. I worry about you and your generation.
• I’ve stopped measuring my worth by what I do.
• I’m doing rocket science next.
• For one thing, I’m no longer controlled by the puritan work ethic.
• Oh, you mean I have nothing to offer you?
• Well, let me tell you… (go on and on about mundane things, then slip in some dillies like doing gymnastics, dismantling an atomic bomb, running a marathon).
• Until very recently I was trying to keep you guys from killing yourselves. I was volunteering as a suicide prevention crisis line worker.  I just quit. How’s your work stress?
• I bet you think that anyone who is retired is brain dead. Ya, I used to think that work was the only source of value too, that my job defined me. That is so not the case!
• Does it scare you to imagine this in your future?
• Too busy to discuss… gotta run!
• I tune into the rush hour traffic reports and chuckle, being careful not to spill my gin & tonic on the crossword.

Responses for when you’re in touch with your kind mind

“Retired, eh?  So, what do you do all day?”

• Being free to say no has been a wonderful development.
• I flit from flower to flower and see where life takes me.
• I’m learning to be, not to do.
• I do fun things as often as I want for as long as I want. I do tasks at a leisurely pace that makes them more enjoyable.
• Imagine your best vacation. Now, imagine it not ending.
• I watch the world go by.
• I do whatever I want, with the emphasis on I.
• I hit the road with the top down, tunes cranked, ice cream in hand!
• I’ve gotten to ask the questions I never had time to consider when I was working.
• My goal is to have a day to do nothing.

Note:
Some of the submissions have been slightly modified. Not all those submitted appear in this article.