Following Frank into Retirement – 4 Months to Go
A series of articles starting 5 months from retirement
By Frank
I can just hear the colour commentator in the booth chattering: “I can’t see why he’s quitting the game when he’s at the peak of his career!” My colleagues don’t understand my decision. In fact, I’m beginning to dread the question about what I’m going to do next and the subsequent disbelief that I am not going to continue on in my work. Not because it may lessen my standing in their eyes, but because it unfailingly triggers an internal struggle with my ego, my work ethic, and, of course, with my fondness for money. I’ll try to explain…
The voices in my head
Over my career, I have built up an impressive C.V. of academic qualifications and industry positions, as well as a reputation as being a diplomatic “straight-shooter.” I have always worked hard and, together with my partner Suzanne, we are finally earning enough to have lots of spending money. My ego says, “Damn! I’m good! I shouldn’t quit, I should get a new position where I can really make a difference.” My work ethic chimes in with: “What do you mean, not working? You’re not being a productive member of society. You’re not going to be able to help out your children. You should work until you are unable to continue.” And, last but not least, Mr. Money slinks in and whispers unctuously, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to afford that extra holiday, the new appliances, the back-up generator and all those luxuries you’ve gotten used to just going out and buying?” Or if he’s in a meaner mood: “The markets will plunge, CPP and OAS will run dry, and you and Suzanne will be destitute.” All of this angst just because I want to stop working for pay!
This trio of voices has caused me months of night sweats. Due to my indecisive state of mind, I’ve done spreadsheet calculations for retirement for every age from 55 to 65. Retiring at 55 would have given me lots of time to experience this wide world, but retiring at 65 would allow us to buy anything we want and still have lots left over for our kids. I want us to have enough money to be comfortable but I don’t want to work until I’m 65 (or, for that matter, 59).
Quieting the voices
I’m getting pretty good at sending Mr. Money packing with some solid planning and simplifying of our lifestyle to accommodate our budget. My work ethic is tougher to handle, but as I’ve pointed out to myself many times, once retired, I may not be working for money, but I will have time to be more active in our community. I’ll also be available to help out our children with their renovations, dogsitting, and babysitting (if they ever, ever decide to have children themselves). That just leaves my insidious ego buzzing around in my head. It is not really something against which I can use logic. I feel as though I am turning my back on a lifetime of learning and experience, on a way of life. My work is closely intertwined with my identity.
Stumped
So, how do I just let go of something that has occupied about 50% of my waking life? Let me know if you have any good suggestions because I’m stumped. In the face of such staunch opposition from my ego, I’m just shouting it down. I am not in love with my job! It does not define who I really am! I am more than my career! It’s been good, but it’s over!
In the end it will be up to me to find worth in whatever I choose to do. Once again, I will have to trust in my own judgement, trust that I am making the right move. Forgetting itself, my ego adds: “Well you’ve certainly shown good judgement throughout your career and life; why should that change now?”