Thoughts from a Retirement Coach
By Mariella Vigneux, MBA, ACC
Certified Professional Coach
When people talk about creating purpose and passion in retirement, are they just Pollyannas using mushy words? I have learned that most people long to engage passionately in something in retirement. In myself, my colleagues, and my clients I hear an undeniable desire to feel useful and valued, a compelling urge to help others in some way, through our endeavours. Since we spend long days and many years in retirement, it is vital to find purpose and meaning, to have our creativity, laughter, and quirkiness spill into our lives and into the relationships we build.
Conquering that rudderless feeling
For a multitude of reasons, many people feel underutilized, stifled, directionless, and unvalued in retirement, as if they are playing from their weak suit. Even when we are generally content, if we are not guided by purpose, anxiety can accompany our busy times and a deep yearning may well up in our quiet times. The fruits of purposelessness are frustration, lack of engagement, stress, and fatigue.
Living fiercely, with purpose
The big revelation in my life is the pure joy that comes upon finding and feeling a sense of purpose, in knowing my place in the larger picture, knowing where my “deep gladness intersects with the needs of the world.” Tremendous elation comes with this knowledge. When you discover purpose, amazing things happen to you and, consequently, to those around you. The world truly conspires to support you. Setting priorities and making decisions is easier, life becomes balanced, and time stretches open. Your deep satisfaction might even seduce others to a better way of living and loving.
Seeking purpose is not self-indulgent
Finding a sense of purpose is not about seeking self-indulgent fulfillment. By creating an iron-strong sense of purpose you live fiercely. The test for self-indulgence is to ask “Am I meeting a need in the world?” A need in the world can be the need of a single person, such as a grandchild, a partner, or a friend. I’m not talking about do-good work to save the world; your purpose could be as simple as modelling mindfulness everyday.
Creating purpose and passion in retirement is more than mushy words. When you discover how you fit in the world, when you know you are using your strengths to benefit others, when you feel elated getting up each morning with a sense of purpose and glee, then you know you are changing the whole tenor of your life. I have found that it’s like stepping out of shoes that pinch and into a pair of well-loved, comfortable slippers. The relief is profound.
I recently read a poem by Mary Oliver that I think goes well this these sentiments. It is “Messenger” in her book Thirst. The first line is, “My work is loving the world.” Whether we are fighting poverty, caring for the environment, or babysitting a grandchild, we are “loving the world.” amy
Amy, your interpretation of the poem catches the notion that it doesn’t matter how grand or how small our purpose is, what matters is that we are contributing of ourselves in a way we feel is valuable. Thanks for bringing Mary Oliver into the discussion. I’m very fond of her question “Tell me, what is it you plan do with your one wild and precious life?”