Announcing the Winner of the annual Doggerel Cup Limerick Contest 6

Final entries are in, and the winner is…

Since we announced the first annual Doggerel Cup Limerick Contest two issues ago, we have received many ridiculous and stupendous bits of doggerel – “comic verse composed in irregular rhythm; verse or words that are badly written or expressed.”  There were few contest rules – it had to be a limerick and it had to refer to retirement in some way, however obliquely – so the contest drew a broad array of talent.

After the contest closed on December 31, 2016, the special Committee of Dodgy Doggerelites met to choose the most deserving limerick.  After much hair pulling,to’ing and fro’ing, hemming and hawing, interjections, rejections, foaming at the mouth, and general carrying on, a winner was chosen.   

And the winner is…

Wait for it…

You’ll have to scroll to the bottom to find out.  First, though, take a look at the entries that rolled in before the deadline.

Most recent entries

“It’s time, I believe, to retire,”
Quoth a middling-aged man from Kintyre.
My work life is done,
No more Band on the Run,
I’ll just wing it as Sir Paul, esquire.

~ Pat the Doggerel O’Connor

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An amateur gardener was Brad
Of dahlias, the rose, and the glad
But the teasle, my god,
Drove him mad, the poor sod:
“This teasle, with it I have HAD!”

 ~ Brad Morley

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Hurray!

Get those errands done during the day,
Indulge in a film matinee.
Stay out of the storm
In my bed, nice and warm
And never be docked any pay.

Hurray!!!

~ Pauline Hodge

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“To retire or not to retire?”
Was upon one time asked by Shakespire.*
To work or be free
Just to be or not be
Was the answer he so didst desire.

*There are many different spellings of this name.

~ Pat O’Connor

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I retired from a life of crimes,
Now I’m livin’ on nickels and dimes,
My RRSP
Is still very wee,
So I’m forced to eat beans of all kinds.

The beans I prefer are called Heinz,
Much better washed down with cheap wines,
Now I don’t break the law,
Though that sticks in my craw,
And I have to be home before nine!

~Christine Warltier

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There once was an old guy named Mark,
Felt he’d lost both his bite and his bark,
Au contraire, said his wife,
I will keep you for life,
Your joystick continues to spark.

~ Mariella Vigneux

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(For previous entries, please see Last chance to enter the annual Doggerel Cup Limerick Contest and Announcing the first annual Doggerel Cup Limerick Contest.)

 And the winner is…

Christine Warltier

…with this dandy!

My love for the job was religious,
The role that I held quite prestigious,
Now all that is over,
I’m rolling in clover,
Memories of work just vestigious.

The Committee of Dodgy Doggerelites particularly appreciated Ms. Warltier’s use of a non-word at the end of her entry – “vestigious.”  Wonderful!  And, not only did Ms. Warltier submit the most entries, she also submitted an unsolicited limerick, a sympathetic response to one of our writer’s articles.  (We admit that the limerick was in response to an article written by one of the judges, but such honest sympathy was appreciated and not deemed to influence the judging decision in any way. Also, in honour of total transparency, the recipient just happens to be related to all four judges. Let me state clearly, however, that this wielded no sway over said judges.)

Here is the unsolicited limerick:

You just got a bad diagnosis,
They say you have osteoporosis.
Grab your vitamin D,
And soon you will see,
It’s better than bad halitosis.

~ Christine Warltier

The prize

Ms. Warltier is the lucky recipient of the first annual Doggerel Cup.  She can proudly display the Cup in her home for one year and for that year – and that year only – has boasting privileges.

The Committee would like to thank all of you who entered your limericks in the contest, and all of you who read them!

Until next year…